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Hoodie Boxing
Hoodie boxing
Never Mind the Buoyancy - Briefing Before Dive
I never really appreciated the true freedom that the underwater world gives you until I guided my first dive. After the initial descent, I checked yhe way ahead and looked back, as much as two-and-a-half second later, to see the kind of chaotic lack of form one might expect from a six-year-old who has been instructed to describe the concept of disorder using only handfuls of paint, an energetic terrier and shouting. I would've expected a similar display of coherence had I thrown a box of boisterous spiders on to the floor. Except this was in three dimensions and i wasn't trying to climb through the fabric of space in a blind panic having been confronted, as I always feared I would be, with the source of all my nightmares (assuming this takes place while I'm 14 years old and naked on stage during school assembly).
The rest of the dive felt very much like herding cats, just about the only parts of the plan my divers adhered to were the maximum depth and time restrictions which, it occurred to me during the safety stop, were just about the only things I'd actually briefed.
Like most people, I believe in freedom, and am of the opinion that the abstract nature of the concept allows me to define it to suit my needs. Often using blatantly see-through rhetoric. Now capriciously swimming around according to your every whim, pausing a moment hither and thither to let your gaze brush against whatever takes your fancy, is all very well at 10m on the Great Barrier Reef, but is less advisable in a 12-knot current with 40m of the siltiest English Channel above you. At some point you need to think seriously and make a plan. This is why hippies were banned in 1969 (forcing sharks to take time out of their busy schedule to bite surfers). You then need to let people know what that plan is. That's what the Divemaster slate is for.
People will tell you that the most important function of a briefing is to dispense safety information. These people are wrong and need to be dismissed with a laugh, a cursory wave of the hand and a particularly vicious Chinese burn. Other people will tell you that the most important function of a briefing is to reduce legal risk; the logic being that if you specifically brief something, which someone specifically ignores, you can't be held responsible for their actions. These people are also wrong and need to be denied access to biscuits for 24 hours. No, while these are two vital and
indispensable aspects of a briefing, its main function is to allow you to be legitimately annoyed with anyone who fails to follow the plan, rather than with yourself for forgetting to mention one If you don't believe me, look into a mirror and accuse yourself of being a weasel-like blight on the face of humanity with less intelligence than some art of pop star. Now accuse someone else (I'd recommend a child, if you don't want to get beaten up) of the same thing and see how much better you feel.
A good briefing serves many purposes. Those whom you expect to follow you will only do so if you've gained their confidence and knowing what you're talking about will help. It has been said that providing people have your trust, the site you brief can have absolutely no bearing to the site you dive and no one will notice, but it's always nice if, upon surfacing nobody asks you why didn't mention there was a chance of spotting, say, the thistlegorm down there.
On the other hand, you can't be expected to cover every eventuality, especially as, like romantic comedies, briefings should ideally have a running time of less than 15 minutes. There is also a particular class of person that the Divemaster has to cater for who will document everything you mention in the briefing and compare it to everything you actually saw. This inability to distinguish between the concepts of Things you might see and things you will see is deliberate, as it allows them to be upset by something (you). If you hit them hard enough, they will cry. but nevertheless, I mention turtles in my briefings far less these days. Particularly at wraysbury.
Communicating effectively before the dive will allow you to communicate more effectively during the dive. This will also allow you to dominate other humans by imposing your will on them and making them do your bidding, like an army of divers ready to crush the world at your command. Or at least stay with the group and not swim off. Communication, yeah? It's like, totally awesome and stuff. Word.
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